Vale Axle Whitehead

And just like that, he was gone. I'm quite disappointed, not because I didn't think he was a complete knob - 'cos he was - but because I was working up a theory that he was becoming the new Molly Meldrum.

The case for, m'lord:

• Fawning interviews with overseas artists who clearly had met him for the first time 30 seconds before going to air, and who are nevertheless referred to constantly as "my old mate" etc, etc
• Inane and senseless questions to said artists. The usual response is somewhere between bewilderment and slight panic as they visibly attempt to work out what the fuck he was talking about while still staying on message and not looking like an idiot themselves.
• The disturbing knowledge that he is to some extent representing Australia and the Australian music industry in the eyes of these people, and that we're being found sadly wanting.
  

To be fair, Axle is slightly more articulate than Molly, but he adds his own special squirm factor with his far too frequent references to his own musical prowess, largely in an I-know-where-you're-coming-from-being-a-muso-myself attempt to ingratiate himself with the interviewees.

John Mayer, whose music is generally about as appealing as changing nappies but who is otherwise reasonably articulate and amusing, had the good sense to basically just ignore him during an OB interview at Federation Square, which I thought was probably as good an approach as any.

After Axle's unfortunate Aria's accident, it fell to his cohort Jabba to spread oil over the troubled waters of TV-land:

"My understanding is that he wasn't wearing any undies, his fly was open and some of the lunch meat fell out of the sandwich,'' Jabba told Confidential.

Jabs, a career in international diplomacy awaits you.

A positive side effect of the whole affair (for me anyway, because I somehow managed to miss it at the time it happened) was to find out what happened to his similarly talent-challenged erstwhile co-host on Video Hits, Kelly Cavuoto. At the time she just seemed to vanish off the face of the earth, but now it appears that she was 'boned' - to use Eddie McGuire's charming yet inappropriate phrase - due to a drunken outburst at a children's television event.

Cavuoto raised more than a few eyebrows at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards at Luna Park on Tuesday with a display of alcohol-fuelled foul language and abuse at television screens whenever singer Guy Sebastian appeared on them.

She clearly has better taste than was evident during her time on Idol, but I'm not sure her apparent attempt to become Australia's answer to Courtney Love was ever really going to go down that well with the producers of a Saturday morning music program.

Thanks to The Spin Starts Here, where I stole these quotes from